Finding the will…again.

Here I am once again trying to find the resolve to lose weight. I’ve posted on this many times before, but right now I’m feeling very low, maybe lower than I’ve ever felt before about it.  I have been trying to lose weight almost my whole life. The other week I texted my mom and asked her “What happened to me when I started gaining weight? I wasn’t always chubby. I remember being “normal”. Now it seems like something that will never happen for me.” I don’t remember the exact age but it was somewhere in between 2nd-4th grade. People said “its just baby fat, when puberty hits you’ll slim down.” Needless to say that didn’t happen. It must’ve been 4th grade, because that’s when we moved and I distinctly remember seeing one of my old neighbors (a grown man, not another kid) and when I got out of the car he said “dang, what happened to you girl”, in response to my weight gain. I remember writing in my diary “if I’m not this weight, by this time, I’m going to become a bulimic.” I’ve thought that as an adult too, but I’ve never been able to go through with it. I guess that means I’m not too bad off.

I see so many friends having success with their health and fitness journeys, some vegan, some not. I just think “what’s the missing link for me?” It can’t be just because I’m a working mother, because there are those doing it too. A couple months ago someone from one of the many health and fitness groups I’ve joined on facebook reached out to me and asked if I’d be interested in having her as a trainer. I said,  “I’m already working with someone and I’m not sure what you can do for me other than slap food out of my hand”. We messaged back and forth, because I just didn’t want to shut her down, until I was comfortable just not replying again. A little while later she made a post saying there’s no excuse for people not to be within a healthy BMI. She commented that she could weigh 140 something pounds and still not be overweight…blah, blah, blah. Here I am somewhere over 200, again, and haven’t been 140 something pounds since middle school. So yeah, that made me feel great, and certainly regreatful that I did not seek her services. That was sarcasm. I’d have to lose over 60 pounds to not be overweight. Before I had my son I sat right on the edge of overweight and obese and fluncuated between 170-185. I had gotten back to 180 within 2 years of having Xavier, but then the weight started to creep back. I’ve seen friends literally losing multiple hundreds of pounds, and I haven’t been able to keep 10 off for the past 2 years. Every day, every hour, probably every minute, I’m thinking about losing weight. I am just thankful I don’t have a husband that gets on me about it, I swear the little bit of self confidence that I have would just wither away into dust.  He helps me and encourages me the best he can, but it all comes down to me.

I had the will power a couple times in my adult life. The first time I lost a significant amount of weight was in college. I wanted to be a physical therapist, but the death of my cousin led me down the path of teaching Health and Physical Education. I was a part of a “Biggest Loser” challenge on campus, and I did well. The weight stayed off for a while, but I got back to where I started, eventually. The second time was, as I said before, after I had my son. Even after I quit breastfeeding, I continued to stick to my healthy eating and exercise and the weight kept falling off. I lost over 50 pounds! Then for some reason I stopped, and was never able to consistantly get back into it since then. Everyday I am in front of students telling them why they should be healthy I feel like they are laughing at me. Someone in my family literally died as a direct cause of morbid obesity, even still I have trouble preventing the same outcome for myself.

I’m in a fitness group that does challenges from time to time, I’ve never been able to even stick with consistant clean eating and working out for the 1, 2, or 4 week challenges. Today the trainer asked us to make a goal and stick to it. I made the goal, but I’m really not sure what has to happen to make me stick to it, and see success again; hopefully once and for all.

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Watermelon Smoothie

One thing I’ve missed since becoming vegan is Cookout’s watermelon milkshake during the summer. For those of you that don’t know, Cookout is a restaurant that was founded in NC. Specifically in Greensboro, NC, only 30 minutes up I-40.  There are other locations in various southern states. The restaurant sells “cookout” food like burgers, hot dogs, and barbeque, among other things. It also has an extensive milkshake menu of over 40 different flavors. June-August you can enjoy a watermelon milkshake, with chunks of watermelon…delicious. It was one of the only variations of watermelon I would entertain other than just eating it fresh in slices, chunks, or just with a fork straight from the whole things. But, being allergic to dairy, and later vegan I had to give it up. Since committing to full fledge veganism, I’ve learned not to give up my favorite things, but rather to reinvent them. Here’s my reinvention of the watermelon milkshake. img_16591

Ingredients:

  1. 2 cups frozen watermelon chunks
  2. 1 frozen banana
  3. 2 scoops vanilla vegan protein powder ( I use Vegan Smart)
  4. 2 cups almond milk

Directions: Put all the ingredient in the blender and blend until smoothish, add more almond milk as desired. I like mine to still have some chunks of watermelon, but you may prefer it to be completely smooth. Enjoy as a post workout snack or summer treat!

Healthy.Nappy.Nerdy.Mommy. Update.

marvel cap running
Out for a 2 mile jog.

So its been a LONG time since my last post. Over NINE MONTHS to be exact. I think the same thing happened last year. I started strong, but once the school year got going, (I’m a teacher), I fizzled off, then got going again during the summer. I am going to try really, really, hard to stay active with my blogging. I enjoy it, and I’ve been told a time or two that I’m good at it. My page started to get some traction and I want to keep it going. Here’s a little bit of what’s been happening with the Healthy Nappy Nerdy Mommy, and what’s to come.

Healthy

I’ve been doing some rollercoastering in this department. Pretty much for the same reason I stopped blogging….life. I’ve gained 30 pounds since my lowest after having my son, 4 YEARS AGO. Its not baby weight anymore, its just plain weight. If I gain 30 pounds again, I’ll be back to the weight I was after I left the hospital with him. I’ve got to get back in gear. Exercise is not my problem. Since rejoining the YMCA, I usually workout 90 minutes to over 2 hours at least 4 times a week. I know it is nutrition. I have been trying to follow mostly a Whole Food Plant Based lifestyle. That’s a step further than vegan. It means no meat, no dairy, no eggs, no refined sugar, no white flour, and no oil. At first glance you see all the things I can’t have, but there are so many better things I CAN have. I love fruits and vegetables. I also love cooking, so I am definantly capable of doing this. I’ve seen videos on Facebook of these women that look so young and vibrant into old age. I want that for myself and my family. My ultimate goal is to have an organic garden and cook most of our food from our own backyard.  As Physical and Health Education teacher I have to be able to talk the talk and walk the walk. My body, animals, and enviornment will be better off as well.

Nappy

I started locs. I’ve thought about for a while. Last summer when I cut my hair it was a step towards this. I could’ve done it without cutting my hair, and part of me wishes I had, but I think I am going to enjoy the process of growing my locs from baby twist. Last summer I cut my hair to a fade, in December I cut it down low, and in April I started locs with finger coils from that growth. I started them on my own first. I did like the results and tried again with my husband’s help. I helped me part the hair horizontally, to make sure there was some uniformity. I don’t want perfect locs, but I also want some neatness to them. We shall see what this journey brings.

Nerdy

Most recently, and I mean VERY recently. I’ve gotten back into Pokemon Go. I started playing it when it came out 2 years ago, and fell off. Two days ago my husband and I started playing again. I did my first raid and my first micro transation within a game. I’m excited because I’ve never been a gamer before, aside from pressing buttons repetitively on some fighter games. I have been of course continuing to watch Anime. We’ve been watching My Hero Academia, Borotu, and Black Clover. We also started One Piece. It is an old anime that neither my husband nor I had ever watched. We also, started watching Sword Art online again. I was not blogging when all the Black Panther and Avengers: Infinity War mania was fresh. I’m not going to backtrack and do seperate post, I am just going to say that I though both were AMAZING. As a Blerd or Black Nerd, I was more than ecstatic about what Black Panther brought to the table. As a marvel fan period Infinity War was pure gold. Every summer, save the one right after having our son, we’ve gone to Otakon. I am not sure if we will go to Otakon this year. But I know we will be going the Raleigh Supercon.   Moving foward you can look to hearing about more Pokemon Go, Anime, and movies.

Mommy

Our son is 4 now; we have moved out of the Troublesome Three’s. Night time potty training is much better, although not perfect. I am told things don’t really taper off until 6, and that 6-10 are the best years. God, I can’t wait for that. This boys is really driving me crazy. I love him though, as coo coo for coco puffs as he is. This year I hope to get him into a Pre-K program. Either way I will be making sure he is ready for Kindergarten. As he’s gotten older he has shown many gifts and interest. He likes singing and dancing. He also seems very inquistive and into nature. Any anybody who know myself or him, knows he is a ball of endless energy. I may have a musician, athlete, or scientist in the making. I can’t wait to see what he is interested in. I have no intentions of making him conform to anything. Whatever his niche is, I will nuture it to the fullest.

Of course there’s been more happening in the past 9 months, but I didn’t want to ramble on and on, plus some of it deserves it’s own post. Here’s hoping I can keep things going. What are some changes or updates that’ve happened with you?